21 Following

Julie Doe

DNF'd for bad writing and implausible situations

HE LOVES ME TO DEATH - Sonovia Alexander

I picked this up because it was free and I was curious. Now I want the 30 minutes back that I spent reading this. I tried. I really did. But this book is written so poorly that I had to stop at about 20% into it. I have read better writing from sixth graders (seriously! I'm not exaggerating). The verb tenses alternate seemingly at random between present and past tense. Commas are omitted from dialogue tags and direct address in dialogue. Dialogue tags, such as they are, are incorrectly punctuated and capitalized. In one paragraph, there is "were" instead of "we're" and "distance" instead of "distant". The prologue is misnamed an epilogue. Etc. Etc.

On top of the massive grammar problems, the dialogue was often stilted, contained "as you know, Bob" passages, and lacked the normal contractions that people use when speaking. It very rarely sounded natural. The narrative was similarly clunky.

I also don't find several of the plot points very plausible:

(1) that a fifteen year old girl manages to conceal her pregnancy from her family while living with them

(2) that a hospital would discharge a fifteen year old immediately after giving birth and take her baby and put it up for adoption. No signing paper work? No talking to a social worker? No talking to her parents? Would she even be in any condition to *be* released right after giving birth? (Nope).

(3) that a fifteen year old girl could run off to a college that her parents didn't know about and then disappear. Her parents didn't take her to college and get her situated? Apparently not. Who just sticks a fifteen year old on a bus to college (or however else she got these without her parents)? Further, unless she had a full ride scholarship, her parents had to fill out financial aid forms for her. She's too young to work, so how did she support herself outside of the scholarship money? Sorry, there are just too many things that don't ring true here.

So overall, a very poor attempt at fiction writing. I would suggest that this writer hire an editor before she publishes anything else, as this is just awful.

Edited to add: I just looked at the book description on Amazon and it says that she is married to a "Seargant" (yes, that IS misspelled), but in the book, he is described as a "Major". So which is it? *sigh*