Julie Doe

This reads like bad Supernatural Wincest fan-fic (and if you don’t know what that is, please please don’t go looking; the fact that I know what it is is attributable to friends who find it funny to send me the most appalling writing they can find on-line). The plot is thin, and the sex is constant, sometimes out-of-place and sometimes gratuitous. *****WARNING--MAJOR SPOILERS BELOW--WARNING***** Do not read further if you do not want to know the plot and resolution!!!!

From here on out, I will be using “frak” (ala Battlestar Galactica) instead of the word that it is an obvious replacement for. Here is the sum total of this book:

As it opens, Hero #1 (hereafter H1) is getting a blow job from someone who has spelled himself to look like Hero #2 (hereafter H2) at H1’s request because H1 just misses H2 soooo much. Note that H1 is Ice King’s Vassal, and the Ice King has taken his soul.

H1 goes out to fight big bad bug. H2 runs across big bad bug on his way home and pursues it to fight it. Short flashback to younger H1 and H2. H1 finds bug, knocks it out, and is preparing to kill it just as H2 shows up. H1 and H2 frak against a wall, while big bad bug wakes up and runs off. Nice job, guys.

H1 and H2 go to bar to see if anyone knows anything about big bad bug. Annoying chick casts horny spell and H1 and H2 have to frak to get it to stop. Seriously??

Short flashback to younger H1 and H2.

H1 and H2 go to church (H2 is Church Champion) to see if priest knows anything about big bad bug. H1 makes deal with Ice King to get his soul back he kills the big bad bug. Short flashback to younger H1 and H2. H2 gets cool dagger from priest. No leads on big bad bug.

Short flashback with fraking.

H1 and H2 go to Madame Jiri, a lizard-in-human-skin fortune-teller. Madame Reptile wants to procreate and apparently human DNA is compatible with lizard DNA (who knew, right?). H1 and H2 frak so that they can trade semen for a lead on the big bad bug. Yes, really. Semen. In exchange for news on the bug. Turns out big bad bug is at Ice King’s court. H1 knocks out H2 and runs home to the court alone.

H1 talks to Fire Queen on the way, offers her help. H1 rejects it, confronts Ice King. Ice King is a mite upset, strips H1’s power, and what follows is a long graphic non-consensual fraking scene (in other words: rape).

Short flashback to younger H1 and H2.

H2 wakes up, goes to the Ice King’s court, and fights his way in. H1 and H2 fight Ice King and kill him. H1 gets his soul back in the process. They go home and...you guessed it, frak (H1 apparently having no problem with this despite what JUST happened to him at the Ice King’s court).

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Ok, so not much in the way of a plot, and may too much sex, much of which is not romantic but just simply fraking. It didn’t even come across as erotic--more like porn. I was also put off by the two calling each other “baby”. It is a far too effeminate and trivializing nickname for a man.

I would absolutely shocked if this book did not start life as a fanfic somewhere that later got pulled to publish. It just has that feel. This book only gets two stars (instead of one) because it was readable and entertaining, although in a bad train-wreck way.